you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
