I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
