I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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