Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Quick, to the slutcave!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
