i was born a porn star she said
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
