And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
