hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
