Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
What a dumb baby whore.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
