i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
