Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
