Just mADE A PArabola og urine
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize