i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
