The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
