He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
smell my finger.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
