No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
