My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
