Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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