it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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