So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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