So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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