trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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