she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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