im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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