So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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