chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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