this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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