You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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