hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
