When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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