im holly from the hills drunk
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
