Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
