I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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