I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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