like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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