Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
