i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize