Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
