I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
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They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
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we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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