i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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