Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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