just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
