I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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