I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
