Im at strip club and am horny
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
