i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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