Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
