Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
