I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
