I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
