i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Randomize
