Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the liver wants what the liver wants
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize