my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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