She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i think i just lost a toe
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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