I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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