You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
