We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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