Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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