I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
