I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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