My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
