Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
