I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
