Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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