Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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