now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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