I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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