I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
