Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
