I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
