My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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