Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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