We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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