I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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