Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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