i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
