i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
