I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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