I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
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Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
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apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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