Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
